Don't get me wrong, though. I've had not a few transporting moments this month. One was hearing the choir at my parents' church, another was seeing three stars and just hoping, maybe knowing it was Orion's belt and later discovering that it indeed was. A third came when John Wilson played a trumpet postlude, reminding me of former days in other places, and a fourth was seeing more stars and again knowing, really-and-truly-knowing--for the first time in my life--what I was looking at. Several glorious moments have come, too, when I've noticed a new bird or seen an old friend at my feeders.
But the anticipation of Christmas is just. not. there.
Maybe it's because we didn't put up a real tree for the first time in my entire life, although I'd hate to admit that the lack of a tree could spoil a season. Or maybe it's because I know the gift I'm going to get because I bought it and wrapped it for myself, but really, there have many, many Christmases that I still looked to with eagerness although I received no gift from Mark (nor he from me).
I think, though, it is because I'm running dry. I'm so busy with the quotidian that not much time or energy is left for deep, meaningful thought or pursuits of my own.
Which is why I am looking forward to the new year with as much anticipation as I usually do Christmas. I'm looking forward to the ease of un-decorating this year, which will leave me more time for planning school, chores, and menus. Mark has two weeks off, and I'll be able to organize things that haven't been done for years. Maybe I'll even write a Happy January letter, because I didn't do Christmas cards this year (see previous paragraph for explanation.)
I'm feeling a bit like Scrooge, but I'll leave you with a message from Tiny Tim:
"God bless us, everyone!"
2 comments:
:) In response to your last post, I honestly have never gotten the impression that you were still learning flexibility. You seem to have attained, as far as showing late-night and short-notice hospitality to me at least.
God bless you with strength and joy even in the quotidian.
Oh, Jeni. How I understand all you have written. And I can say that I am even older and more thinly stretched than you. And it is what God has done, blessed be His Name. May He give us both the Christmas spirit He wants for us, even the spirit of Christ in serving others.
I love you. Merry Christmas!
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