Jeni Watches Her Children

My neighbors have two children. The little boy just turned five a couple of weeks ago, and the little girl is three. They let them play outside. Anywhere they want to go. In the street. In the woods. In other people's houses. And they don't watch them. About a month ago their grandpa came over to my house asking where Stefan was. I didn't know. My boys were playing with Andre at Andre's house. He assured me Stefan was with them. He was. In a house belonging to people they didn't even know! These children used to play under our porch alone at odd times, but we had to stop that because they were kicking up too much dust. We've seen them wander into our backyard. Stefan rides his brand-new bike without supervision. It's crazy.

The neighbor on the other side said it used to be worse. When Stefan was 3 he ran outside unsupervised, and it got to the point of a joke with them. They'd call out things like "Stefan, get off that roof!" or "Stefan, put down that chainsaw!" It seemed there was no limit to what he was allowed to do.

After seeing this for the past six months, I took a hard look at my own parenting. When the twins were younger and taking up more of my time and I was so tired, I neglected them. Not to the point that my neighbors neglect their children, but too much. Honestly, it probably started when I became pregnant and has slowly gotten worse. Seeing the practice and fruits of neglect in my neighbors was a wake up call. I've made some changes about what I allow my children to do without me. Want to ride your bike? I must be outside watching you. Scooter? Same deal. In the front yard? Not unless I can go with you. I'm not even letting them play much in the basement alone. Two very good things have come from this reining in: they don't get into as much trouble, because I'm on the spot to sense when things might go sour and correct them, and they don't make as much of a mess.

No, there is another good thing coming from this. I'm getting to know them better, and I'm enjoying them more. Instead of checking on them every once in awhile when they're riding bikes, I got to see and cheer Nathaniel when he learned to get on his bike himself. I got to see him ride down our big hill for the first time. I exclaimed over his amazing ability to ride with only one hand. I also encouraged Bradford and Benjamin to work at getting up the hill so they would gain strength.

They've also become more obedient. I went to a nursery yesterday with all six of them, and it was fun! (I'll write about my gardening adventures another time.) The grocery store trip the day before was also no big deal, too. I like my kids, and I like doing things with them.